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New York Post parody headlines

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This edited log of chat.metafilter.com on April 19th, 2013 was recorded during the manhunt for the second suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing. This is a parody of the New York Post headline "BAG MEN" from its April 18, 2013 edition that wrongly implicated two men in the bombing. Lines containing "NYPOST" were filtered, and a small amount of additional pruning was done. All timestamps are in CDT.

[19:15:30] maryr: NYPOST:  SUSPECT ON STATEN ISLAND FERRY
[19:15:49] evidenceofabsence: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS A BOAT
[19:16:14] zombieflanders: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS THE DOWNLINK
[19:16:30] inertia: NYPOST: The Internet is Suspect.
[19:16:31] maryr: NYPOST:  SUSPECT IS IN THE MACHINE
[19:16:48] dingomutt: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS THE INTERNET
[19:16:52] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: IT'S US, & NUDE
[19:16:59] yoga: NYPOST: POLICE REUNITING FOR GHOST IN MACHINE TOUR
[19:17:06] maryr: NYPOST:  SUSPECT WILL TOUCH YOUR CHILDREN
[19:17:17] zombieflanders: NYPOST: 12 NYPOSTS MAY BE HIDING IN THE INTERNET
[19:17:18] eyebrows mcgee: NYPOST: PRINCE WILLIAM IS SECOND BOMBER
[19:17:23] emjaybee: NYPOST; BOMB BOAT CAUSES CANCER
[19:17:35] inertia: NYPOST: SUSPECT DOWNLINKS & YOUR TAXES
[19:17:46] grammarmoses: NYPOST: SUSPECT VOTED DEM
[19:17:47] evidenceofabsence: NYPOST: HEADLESS BOMBER IN TOPLESS BOAT
[19:17:55] maryr: NYPOST:  CANCER CANCER, CANCER CANCER
[19:17:57] darlingbri: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS OBAMA
[19:18:04] double block and bleed: NYPOST: A-rab leads police on wild boat chase!
[19:18:21] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: NNNEWWWWW YOOWWWWKKKK PPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSTTTT!!!!
[19:19:02] devilsadvocate: NYPOST: NYPOST DISRUPTS SCANNER COMMUNICATION
[19:20:24] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: ANDY SAMBERG WAS RIGHT: TERRORIST ON BOAT
[19:20:39] inertia: NYPOST: ANDY SAMBERG PREDICTS TERRORISM, WIZARD?
[19:20:43] dougmoon: NYPOST: SUSSED PECS PECK U.S.
[19:20:55] flunkie: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS SADDAM HUSSEIN
[19:20:58] yoga: NYPOST: SUSPECT EXCLAIMS "I'M ON A BOAT"
[19:21:04] iamkimiam: NYPOST: CHICKEN AND FOX OK, GRAIN MISSING FROM BOAT
[19:21:07] inertia: NYPOST: WATCH YOUR MICS
[19:21:21] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: BOAT NAMED 'SPIDER HOLE'
[19:21:34] iamkimiam: NYPOST: CAREFUL WITH THAT MIC WEEZY
[19:23:20] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: WATCH OUT MIKE
[19:23:30] jamaro: NYPOST: SUSPECTS NAME IS MIKE
[19:24:08] sys rq: NYPOST: Refresh button hiding in boat
[19:24:16] iamkimiam: NYPOST: AMBER ALERT FOR MIKE
[19:24:19] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: MIKE IS HOT, ON PURPOSE
[19:25:54] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: RICK RICK RICK
[19:26:14] maryr: NYPOST:  CAPSLOCK IS HOW NYPOST FEELS INSIDE
[19:26:35] theredpen: NYPOST: TOO MANY MIKES, NOT ENOUGH CPs
[19:26:37] herbplarfegan: NYPOST: do it liveDO IT LIVE! fockin thing SUCKS
[19:27:15] dr. zira: NYPOST:  MIKE VERY OPEN WITH FEELINGS
[19:27:22] dougmoon: NYPOST: HOT MIC CLIMATEGATE
[19:27:24] ersatz: NYPOST: H2O deployed, Mike's watched
[19:28:12] double block and bleed: NYPOST: WILL OBAMA PARDON FELLOW-MUSLIM BOSTON BOMBER?
[19:28:31] showbiz_liz: NYPOST: THE BOAT IS BEING DEPORTED
[19:28:35] wordshore: NYPOST: METAFILTER QUIET LATELY, MODS HAVE NO WORK
[19:28:49] iamkimiam: NYPOST: BOAT ROWING GENTLY DAHN BOSTON SHWORE
[19:29:04] inertia: NYPOST: NITESUN CAUSES CANCER. ARE YOU AT RISK?
[19:29:08] devilsadvocate: NYPOST: HELICOPTER PILOT WINS BINGO
[19:29:12] localroger: NYPOST SUSPECT ON BOAT ADRIFT WITHOUT POWER
[19:29:17] theredpen: NYPOST: BLOOD BOAT BASKS IN NITESUN
[19:29:25] ersatz: NYPOST: MEFI LUMINARY JOINS THE POST!
[19:30:10] jason_steakums: NYPOST: FBI NEGOTIATE ILLUMINATI RITUAL TO RAISE DARK SUN
[19:30:11] devilsadvocate: NYPOST: MICHAEL ROW THE BOAT ASHORE
[19:30:17] double block and bleed: NYPOST: BOSTON BOMBER: TWO IF BY SEA
[19:30:21] iamkimiam: NYPOST: BOAT SLOWER ON LAND
[19:30:26] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: LIFE OF GUY (A-RAB)
[19:31:08] wordshore: NYPOST: ROMNEY LEAVES ANN, MARRIES SANTORUM
[19:31:46] evidenceofabsence: NYPOST: WHAT'S NEXT FROM JANETTE SADIST-KHAN? BOAT LANES?
[19:31:46] zombieflanders: NYPOST: CAN I EAT THIS OR SHOULD I DMTFA
[19:31:53] showbiz_liz: NYPOST: LET'S NOT JUMP TO ANY HASTY CONCLUSIONS HERE PEOPLE
[19:32:00] sys rq: NYPOST: BEAR-CAT HYBRID ON LOOSE
[19:32:00] ersatz: NYPOST: CAT CHANNELS EARTHQUAKE
[19:32:02] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: BEARCATS UNATURAL (D-MA)
[19:32:06] jason_steakums: NYPOST: IS A TERRORIST IN YOUR BOAT RIGHT NOW?
[19:32:11] skygazer: NYPOST: OBAMA OWNS THE BOAT
[19:32:15] eriko: NYPOST: GOODNIGHT SEE YOU AT 0900
[19:32:19] inertia: NYPOST: OBAMA IS A BOAT
[19:32:21] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: BOAT OWNER NEARING SECOND HAPPIEST DAY
[19:32:23] ersatz: NYPOST: OR ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME?
[19:32:24] subbes: NYPOST:  DID WE SAY BOAT YET
[19:32:40] eriko: NYPOST: BOAT BOAT BOAT OBAMA BOAT
[19:32:52] skygazer: NYPOST: BRAAp!
[19:32:58] subbes: NYPOST:  BOAT FILLED WITH BITCOINS, OBAMA STICKERS
[19:33:00] maryr: NYPOST: BLOODY BOAT BOY BOMBS BOSTON
[19:33:15] skygazer: NYPOST: ROBOCOP ON SCENE
[19:33:26] eriko: NYPOST: HEADLESS BOMB IN TOPLESS BOAT
[19:33:32] ersatz: NYPOST: NO MAN'S A LONELY ISLAND
[19:33:34] inertia: NYPOST: BOSTON ACCENTS CAUSE BOATS, SEZ MEFI
[19:33:45] maryr: NYPOST:  I SHOULD BUY A BOAT
[19:33:48] iamkimiam: NYPOST: OPEN MIKE NITE SUN BYOBOAT
[19:33:56] flunkie: NYPOST: DEWEY DEFEATS BOAT
[19:33:57] double block and bleed: NYPOST: BULLET HOLES IN YOUR BOAT? TRY MIRACLE FLEX-SEAL!
[19:34:19] ersatz: NYPOST: IT WAS THE POST WOT WON IT
[19:34:23] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: IMPROMPTU PORTHOLE CAUSES COMPLICATIONS
[19:34:36] localroger: NYPOST: SUSPECT NEEDS A BIGGER BOAT
[19:34:48] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: IF IT WAS WASN'T FOR THOSE PESKY KIDS...
[19:35:17] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: SUSPECT AWAITS AL GORE TO SAVE HIM VIA GLOBAL WARNING
[19:35:32] maryr: NYPOST: PIX OF SUSPECT IN PASHMINA KAFTAN - SECRET MUSLIM!
[19:35:38] yoga: NYPOST: BOAT CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING
[19:35:41] dougmoon: NYPOST: NATURALIZED BOAT
[19:35:46] ersatz: NYPOST: MAN IN A BOAT; 2 MISSING
[19:35:54] skygazer: NYPOST: SUSPECT AWAITING RAIN TO ESCAPE ON BOAT.
[19:36:26] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: SUSPECT ONE BOAT OVER THE LINE
[19:36:29] dhartung: NYPOST: NOAH QUESTIONED FOR AIDING AND ABETTING
[19:36:41] freon: NYPOST: LOOSE SEAL REMOVES SUSPECT'S HAND
[19:36:47] dougmoon: NYPOST: BOAT CONTAINED MISSING DINOSAURS
[19:37:01] kathrynt: NYPOST: FBI BREEDS BEARS WITH CATS
[19:37:05] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: ROBERT WAGNER AND CHRISTOPHER WALKEN QUESTIONED ABOUT BOAT
[19:37:06] maryr: NYPOST:  SUSPECT WEARING FLIPPY-FLOOPIES
[19:37:07] dhartung: NYPOST: NOAH ONCE WENT MISSING FOR FORTY DAYS & NIGHTS
[19:37:08] eriko: NYPOST: BOATOCRAT, AMIRITE
[19:37:13] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: TANGO AND CASH CLEARED
[19:37:23] subbes: NYPOST:  BOATTES, LOL
[19:37:26] dhartung: NYPOST: NOAH SPENT TIME ON REMOTE MOUNTAINTOPS
[19:37:28] maryr: NYPOST:  CAPTAIN AND TENILLE AT LARGE
[19:37:30] eriko: NYPOST: MODS, LOL
[19:37:32] jason_steakums: NYPOST: SHIVER ME BOMBERS
[19:37:36] inertia: NYPOST: BOAT FLIP-FLOPS ON KEY ISSUES
[19:37:41] brina: NYPOST: A-BOAT A BOY
[19:37:50] skygazer: NYPOST: SUSPECT CALLS FORTH METEORS
[19:37:55] tzikeh: NYPOST: GILLIGAN STILL AT LARGE
[19:37:58] wordshore: NYPOST: MCNULTY AND BUNK EXAMINING SCENE, SAYING "FUCK" A LOT
[19:38:11] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: A THREE HOUR MOOR
[19:38:11] emjaybee: NYPOST: TERRORIST TALIBOAT
[19:38:14] maryr: NYPOST:  SUSPECT FUCKED MERMAID
[19:38:14] shortfuse: NYPOST: NO MARINE-DA RIGHTS FOR SUSPECT
[19:38:45] ersatz: NYPOST: SUNK
[19:38:59] double block and bleed: NYPOST: SUSPECT CLAIMS RIGHTS UNDER ADMIRALTY LAWS
[19:39:26] skygazer: NYPOST: JIMMY HOFFA FOUND ON BOAT
[19:39:29] ersatz: NYPOST: ADS IN THE STREAM
[19:39:30] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: SUSPECT OPENS CASINO
[19:39:31] evidenceofabsence: NYPOST: WATERTOWN, NOT WATERWORLD
[19:39:47] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: SUSPECT CASHES IN
[19:39:47] tzikeh: NYPOST: NOWHERE DO YOU MENTION DEEP-SEA FISHING RIGHTS
[19:39:49] jason_steakums: NYPOST: SUSPECT DECLARES HIMSELF CAPTAIN, GAY MARRIES ALL OFFICERS TOGETHER
[19:40:18] skygazer: NYPOST: BOAT TORPEDOED.
[19:40:41] eriko: NYPOST: HRT ON THE BOAT. THE LUV BOAT
[19:41:03] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: HRT LOCKER
[19:41:34] maryr: NYPOST:  BI-RESCUE TEAMS TAKES SUSPECT FROM PORT SIDE
[19:41:35] solarion: NYPOST: BOAT COMES OUT AS TRANS
[19:41:44] emjaybee: NYPOST; HRT'S SO GOD
[19:41:59] skygazer: NYPOST: ROW ROW ROW YOUR...GOTCHA!
[19:42:01] inertia: NYPOST: THIS IS A HOT SCENE
[19:42:22] ersatz: NYPOST: SLOW BOAT ARRIVED
[19:42:24] yoga: NYPOST: THIS IS NOT A LOVESONG
[19:42:30] bohemia mountain: NYPOST:SHIT COMES IN
[19:42:59] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: COPS RIGHT THE SHIP
[19:43:06] iamkimiam: NYPOST: SCENE, MIKE HOT
[19:43:07] jason_steakums: NYPOST: SUSPECTED CUSTARDY
[19:43:30] inertia: NYPOST: SUSPECT CUSTARD, SHOULD I EAT THIS?
[19:44:23] eriko: NYPOST: CNN IS A BOAT
[19:44:26] bohemia mountain: NYPOST:  JANITOR GUILTY
[19:44:37] tzikeh: CNN: NYPOST IS A POOPOOHEAD
[19:45:34] ersatz: NYPOST: BOAT BOAST; NO PAYOFF
[19:45:51] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: SUSPECT UNDERWATER
[19:46:15] iamkimiam: NYPOST: BOAT SURROUNDED BY NOT WATER, DESPITE TOWN NAME
[19:47:09] item: NYPOST: HE WENT DOWN IN A BOAT OF GLORY
[19:47:26] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: LET GO JACK
[19:47:32] inertia: NYPOST: SHOULD WE BAN BOATS?
[19:48:02] devilsadvocate: NYPOST: SUSPECT IN CUSTARD, BOAT SENT OUT FOR FISH FINGERS
[19:48:21] eriko: NYPOST: BPD, FBI CAN'T SINK BOAT ON LAND
[19:48:28] ersatz: NYPOST: K9 DOG EARNS BONE
[19:48:42] cmyk: NYPOST: WATERTOWN NOT UNDERWATER; MASSACHUSETTS WANTED FOR MISINFORMATION
[19:48:42] robocop is bleeding: NYPOST: LOOK AT THIS GUY
[19:48:45] emjaybee: NYPOST: K9 DOG IS A GOOD DOGGIE, YES HIM IS
[19:49:17] wordshore: NYPOST: CARRIE MATHISON SMUGGLES SUSPECT OVER CHECHNYA BORDER
[19:49:18] jason_steakums: NYPOST: SO HEY WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING LATER
[19:49:44] iamkimiam: NYPOST: WATERTOWN BEST SINATRA ALBUM
[19:49:45] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: SUSPECT DOCKED
[19:52:35] dr. zira: NYPOST:  ZERO DARK TWENTY
[19:53:17] eriko: NYPOST: YOURE TIRED COPS GO HOME
[19:53:18] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: SUSPECT READ CYNTHIA NIXON
[19:53:52] eriko: NYPOST: EVEN WE THINK YOU NEED BEER
[19:54:04] inertia: NYPOST: ZERO DARK METAFILTER
[19:54:31] skygazer: NYPOST: BLAH BLAH BLEEH....ERR...
[19:56:18] localroger: NYPOST: HIACKED BOAT RESCUE
[19:57:20] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: WE'RE BOSTON'S FINEST
[19:57:38] skygazer: NYPOST: WE'RE MOVING TO BOSTON
[19:57:47] sys rq: NYPOST: POLICE FORCED TO TURN IN WEAPONS
[19:57:59] inertia: NYPOST: BOSTON PD TAKING YOUR GUNS
[19:58:04] skygazer: NYPOST: OBAMA WANTS POLICE SHOTGUNS
[19:58:10] dougmoon: NYPOST: POLICE SHOTGUNNED BEERS
[19:58:23] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: BOSTON SHAMES PD; TAKES SHOTTIES
[19:58:23] ersatz: NYPOST: ERSATZ QUITS CHAT
[19:58:30] eriko: NYPOST: TALES FROM THE BEER BOAT: SHOTGUNS AND BOMBS
[19:58:35] double block and bleed: NYPOST: OBAMA TAKING BPD GUNS
[19:58:42] skygazer: NYPOST: OBAMA SHOTGUNS YOUR BEER
[19:58:57] victory_laser: NYPOST: SUPECT SHOT PD GUNS
[19:59:54] victory_laser: NYPOST: OBAMA CALLS FOR BOAT BAN
[20:03:46] iamkimiam: NYPOST: ADBLOCK, UNSUNG HERO
[20:04:55] tzikeh: NYPOST: YOUR GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT
[20:05:52] skygazer: NYPOST: METAFILTER CRACK SMOKERS
[20:07:46] skygazer: NYPOST: TALLBOY IN CUSTODY
[20:13:54] skygazer: NYPOST: TERRORIST TITANIC-ED!
[20:36:02] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: CARMEN ORTIZ?!?!?
[20:39:49] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: MIKE STILL HOT
[20:41:21] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: OLD VENISON IN BACKUP, ROASTED, MIRANDIZED (D-MA)
[20:43:17] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: FBI AGENT RICK DELOREAN, TIME COP
[20:51:37] bohemia mountain: NYPOST: CARMEN MIRANDA AMIRITE?
[20:53:56] jason_steakums: NYPOST: HELICOPTERS, BOATS IN COLLUSION
[21:44:51] devilsadvocate: NYPOST: SUSPECT IS EISNTFJP
[21:45:04] jason_steakums: NYPOST: FINKLE IS EINHORN
[21:45:13] tzikeh: NYPOST: SOYLENT GREEN IS HUMMUS
[21:47:57] double block and bleed: NYPOST: SUSPECT CAPTURED WHEN SHIP RANAGROUND
[21:48:30] tzikeh: NYPOST: APPARENTLY, SOMETHING IS GOING ON IN BOSTON
[21:49:01] jason_steakums: NYPOST: HIDEY BOATS DON'T WORK OFF WATER
[21:50:43] double block and bleed: NYPOST: OBAMA TRIED TO SMUGGLE TERRORIST OUT ON SHIP