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April Fools 2014 Answer Key

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For April Fools Day, Ask MetaFilter got a fake front page, with fake questions. But, there's more info within. Mefites can reply in the threads, as long as they answer the questions - metacommentary belongs in the corresponding Metatalk thread.

Spoilers ahoy!
Thread Username Reference Character Additional
Attracted to my Boss and Confused, Please Help! JaneD’oh Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre
Do I have a drinking problem? Call me Al Alice in Wonderland. Alice
I'm a... fraid. BicycleBuiltForTwo 2001: A Space Odyssey. HAL "A bicycle built for two" is a line from the song HAL sings, Daisy Bell
Best Travel Route to Ithaca? Ody The Odyssey. Odysseus
not the goddamned zoo again iamcuriousg Curious George
Can a misfit ever shape up? TheWrongKindOfL Tetris.
He never shuts up about Asian military history. D. P. Roberts IV The Princess Bride. Westley Complaining about Vizzini; The user name indicates that Wesley is actually the current Dread Pirate Roberts but not the first to go by that name
I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. theostandsfornothing North by Northwest. Roger O. Thornhill
Don’t get any on your clothes! Bound4NeutralGround The Great Escape USAAF Captain Virgil Hilts
Wilma, stop this crazy thing! Acceleratio Semper Absurda The Wind in the Willows
Is this folly? Boromir2978 The Lord of the Rings Boromir Osgiliath is the old ruined capital of Gondor in Lord of the Rings
This is nothing like paradise AT ALL imperfectlibrarian The Library of Babel
Would he like me to? TheMrsR The Graduate. Mrs Robinson
No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy Wendy Darling Light-o-my-Life The Shining The Simpsons parody, "The Shinning."
need a change of scenery jedinoob The Empire Strikes Back. Luke
Overshadowed By My Best Friend gingers4eva Harry Potter. Ron Weasley
Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis pun Charles Buck &c. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Charlie Bucket
Money is no object! NilsB The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Nils Bjurman
Some theology and geometry, some taste and decency Batman vs Boethius Confederacy of Dunces Ignatius J. Reilly
Strange Brew, eh? Which Witch Macbeth The title is a reference to Strange Brew, the movie involving two Canadians who try to put a live mouse into a beer bottle.
Major fashion crisis - help! pewpewpew World of Warcraft
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame... Katnitted The Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen
Nice puppy, gooood puppy... DonnaT Cujo Donna Trenton
Good fences make good neighbors TheSeussIsLoose Dr. Seuss' "Green Eggs and Ham."
So soft TheRabbitDied Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men." Lennie
Big dinner, last night in town Hay-seuss The Last Supper Jesus
Of two minds about social gathering Jack's Total Lack of Organizational Experience Fight Club.
How far can I go in a neighborhood dispute? GeatGeneration Beowulf
Touch Football Play Rules? RoundHeadedKid Charlie Brown Charlie Brown complaining about Lucy.
Why didn't we stick to tea? stop_calling_me_shirley Anne of Green Gables
Worth leaving tech megaculture for multimedia One-Point-Oh? kraftsinglessindmeinekraft Microserfs Daniel Minecraft
this bread and milk routine is getting old GregNogSamsa Kafka's "The Metamorphosis, Gregor Samsa The username's a reference to Greg Nog.
Is everyone else seeing this phenomena? oldsport The Great Gatsby. Nick
This guy is a major burden and I just can't shake him Albert Ross The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.
The view is fantastic, I hear Dented But Not Broken The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Arthur Dent
miniluv malquoted freedom rectify 6079 Smith W. Orwell's "1984." Winston
Talk about a door jam ohbother Winnie the Pooh. Pooh
What do you mean you "can't do that"? DBowman 2001: A Space Odyssey. Dave Bowman Second reference to 2001.
@#&$!? Jules Winnfield Samuel L. Jackson reads "Go the Fuck to Sleep, the username's a wink at his character name in "Pulp Fiction."
time sensitive panserbjørne dilemma BareKing The Golden Compass/Northern Lights. Iofur Raknison
Carpentry expert needed zampano House of Leaves.
ISO Ivied Walls and Ivory Towers Bunnny Co. The Secret History 'Bunny' Corcoran
Sudden Unemployment - Help! tigerbait Les Misérables Fantine
An officer and a gentleman *LydiaLuvs2Party* Pride and Prejudice Lydia
Cheap Used Car? ddcooler Road House! Dalton (Patrick Swayze's character) Professional "cooler" or bouncer at the Double Deuce
till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken WeighingMeDown Gravity. Aningaaq, companion short film to the film Gravity
I was smart from the very beginning madmenknownothing Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart." The title refers to a famous comment on disposing of bodies.
Calling all MeFi bakers - help me with my nostalgic baking le narrateur Remembrance of Things Past"/"In Search of Lost Time" Marcel Proust
Train my birdbrain E Rom Reven The Raven. Ooh, another Poe reference!
Some pig, Indeed! silkscream Charlotte's Web, and Animal Farm.
House foundation help needed gingham girl "The Wizard of Oz." Dorothy
Couldn't change my mind if you talked for a hundred years. Unlucky #7 Twelve Angry Men. Juror #7
Am I doing the right thing? Usul420 Dune Paul Atreides Usul is Paul Atreides' tribal name in the fremen. The 420 is a reference to a more terrestrial mind-altering chemical, marijuana
Help me nail this Cap'n Spencer Hellraiser Pinhead. Before he was Pinhead he was Elliot Spencer, an officer in the British Expeditionary Forces
Hiring elderly employees for baking startup? Mr Cursor Cookie Clicker!
It's a new morning in America alloutofbubblegum They Live. Nada (Roddy Piper's character) movie quote about kicking ass and chewing gum